09 April 2007


This list is accidental. I meant to compile a random list, compelled to title it "errata." The I-bookmarked-my-dictionary-in-eighth-grade part of me suggested this was not correct. Dictionary.com (too lazy to link) confirmed errata does not mean miscellany but, rather, a list of errors. I decided to compile a list of errors instead. Because self-flagellation is not only a fun word to say; it's fun to do, too!

• With no other threatening bids, I pre-emptively bid $500 in "Metyk Money" in a 5th grade auction—all for a poster, nay pin-up, of Debbie Gibson from BOP magazine.

• Kissing that one guy.

• Arguing with scary Kim about a marching band cheer and almost getting a black eye.

• Giving Dina, of Barbie & the Rockers, a crew cut.

• Being pressured to write "Leslie is a lesbian and Sally is dumb" and dropping the note near their houses, where it was discovered. I was in third grade (and didn't know what a lesbian was).

• Kissing that other guy.

• Trying to exploit physics in an elevator in NYC by jumping in the air as it neared its stop, thinking I'd be in air longer because the elevator was moving. I wasn't. (This was my punishment for never taking a physics class.)

• Going to Young Life meetings.

• Sending someone I didn't like a three-eyed candy cane reindeer in high school.

• Not spitting out that shot of vodka, which trying to swallow made me throw up all over the table in front of numerous people.

• Eating my roommate's Easter candy instead of dinner.

• Sixth grade.

• Seventh grade.

• Eighth grade.


bec said...

cracking up!! ( :

Anonymous said...

my mother forced me to become catholic in the 8th grade. i had to go to these meetings. they made us close our eyes and recline on the floor. then a nun recited some kind of prayer and then told us to imagine doing our favorite activities with jesus.

i imagined jesus coming over to my house wearing the white robe and everything, and he joined me in making fake vomit in a plastic bag with which to gross out my mother when she came home from work.

when we were told to open our eyes, we had to share our jesus-imaginings with everyone. i ended up lying and said that i imaged playing soccer with jesus. not because i liked soccer. i hated it. i would always get bruised shins. instead, i happened to see a jesus-playing-soccer-with-little-kids poster in the hall right before the "meditation," as the nun called it.

my mistake was not telling the truth and saying jesus came over to make fake vomit in a plastic bag.

my purpose here is to ask: is this what you did in "young-christian-coalition-life"?


peppermintlisa said...

no, we sang "Breakfast at Tiffany's" and that Hootie & the Blowfish song, from lyrics on an overhead projector. Then sometimes someone would give their "witness". It was sorta cult-like.

I was there to meet boys.

Anonymous said...

it's funny where women go to meet guys.

religious retreats
bingo halls
gay bars

i've actually heard these places mentioned before, and to my knowledge the women met with little success.

on the other hand, guys go to equally insane places to meet women.

football games
death metal concerts
star trek conventions

despite this, the species still survives.

i don't get it.


jay-c said...

I had a friend in college who went to an evangelical club to meet girls. One day, many months later, we were getting in his car and this girl comes running up with a glimmer in her eye: "Anthony, I was saved and it was wonderful."

I walked away because I felt a creepy Jesus talk coming on. My family is more old-school Catholic. If I were to tell my parents how Jesus makes me feel, my mom and dad would reply:

"How Jesus makes you feel? What the hells the matter you, talking about how Jesus makes you feel. You sound like a crazy person."

Anonymous said...

It is interesting that out of a long list of errors, the one everyone picks up on is going to a Young Life meeting. blogers must have pretty sweet lives. I mean out of all the things I regret from childhood (here is the list: having "the one" break my heart only to realize that it was all a lie, cheating in French, lying to my folks about something actually important resulting in them no longer trusting me, crashing the family car, the divorce, never going away to the beach for spring break and being mean to the girl from India because I was ignorant)watching kids sing brown eyed girl while I did't pay attention but instead flirted with underclassmen really didn't even make the list.

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