09 June 2006

the literate roller derby queen

In October I wrote about Roller Derby and mentioned that there were no NE Ohio teams of which I knew. By now, the ABJ, PD, FreeTimes and even the AP have covered the incipient team based in Cleveland.

They're the Burning City Roller Girls. To my dismay, they won't be competing in matches until 2007, it appears. Because I really wanted to see me some roller derby!

I still harbor fantasies of being a roller derby girl. When I told my dad, he said "those girls would beat you to a pulp." He's probably right. I'm not sure my "straight As"—anemia, asthma, allergies and astigmatism—would gain me entrĂ©e. Not to mention my wimp-factor—and lack of dyed-black hair.

I daydreamed about what my roller derby name would be. The answer was on McSweeneys.
One of their recents lists was Roller-Derby Pseudonyms for Literature Majors. Some of the options:

• Tess of the D'Urberkills
• Anna Scar-enina
• MacDeath
• David Chopperfield
• Maul Flanders
• Jane Scare

I personally like "Maul Flanders." Perhaps I'll start an alternate roller derby league. We can roller skate menacingly through the MetroParks and break to read classic literature.

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