04 May 2006


I do not have cable TV. So when I have access to it—usually during housesitting/catsitting/babysitting—I treat myself. As in, I allow myself to temporarily develop attention deficit and give in to any televisual craving.

Sometimes I think I can plan my cable-viewing experience, which is just the antithesis of the experience, really. Nonetheless, yesterday found me browsing the online TV guide to see what would be playing Friday night, when I will have unfettered access to cable TV. (Fettered only by the fact that I have to wake up early Saturday morning to get a teenager up for her SATs. But, alas, such is the life of a single 27-year old, eh?)

I'm skimming the guide to see if the Daily Show or the Andy Milonakis Show will be on Friday, and I notice that Kindergarten Cop will be on. On AMC. That's the AMERICAN MOVIE CLASSICS channel, folks. (The sound you hear? It's the bottom of the barrel being scraped. With a toothpick.)

I'm not sure who deemed Kindergarten Cop a classic, unless AMC's head honcho is now an eight-year old. I'm not going to get cynical and consider this a disintegration of a cable channel's goals to deliver classic movies. I'm going to get cynical and consider that this was a politically motivated move. Some PR flack for Arnold got snuggly with someone at AMC, whispering sweet nothings into his/her ear–like "wouldn't it be great to have Kindergarten Cop on your network?" I mean, what a great way to confirm the importance of the governor by labeling his films "classic"?

He's just stepping up the process to parallel himself with Ronald Reagan. Movie star-cum-governor. Reagan's films now? Classic--if only because they're just plain old. However, I don't think Reagan starred in a film in which the line "boys have a penis; girls have a vagina" was uttered.

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