21 December 2005

the enemy

Yesterday Leslie pointed out that this season's culinary scapegoat—the fruitcake—epitomized my food aversions. Impressed by this astute observation and extrapolation, I nodded. Yes, yes, a fruitcake was now to be the symbol of all enemies of my palate.

It violates my number one food commandment: Thou shall not mix fruits and grains in a recipe (unless the fruit is pureed). It brazenly violates this rule. In name and in appearance. Its signature are the colorful fruits studding the top of the cake, taunting me "look at us, mingling with wheat. ha!"

Then there's the nuts. What's the point of bread or cake or cookies if they contain all these crunchy obstacles? Like fruit, they are fine if they keep to their own kind.

But no, both fruits and nuts densely populate fruit cakes, leading to such chaos that people are compelled to add ample brandy to the recipe.

And we wonder why our culture unmercifully mocks this food?

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