It's that time of year—the time for top ten and "best of" lists. I'm not going to subject you to a list of my take on 2005's top ten albums (did I even buy ten albums this year?) or detail the cats' "best of" moments this year. I will offer this year in review, per quotes from friends' emails. Of course, some friends are over-represented as my primary mode of conversation with them is e-mail. And some have said funny things, but in the effort to not hit 1,000 emails in my inbox, I do delete.
"Keep me posted about your pursuits. My marriage pursuits are going peachy. I love ben. A lot."
"I can't believe that harvey asked if you are a lesbian (or lesbionic, whatever)."
"Philosophical discussions are only useful for taking breaks from the REALLY important stuff. Like porking."
"I won't kick her ass, lest I be accused of behaving in an oppressively patriarchal role."
"Philosophical question: is it really 'making out' if what you're 'making out' with doesn't 'make out' back (i.e. your pillow)?"
"Eventually I found the kitten—in my engine fan, scared to death, but otherwise healthy. I called upon CAPTAIN AMERICA for the first time in months and we rescued him with a rubber spatula."
"Hey, please please take a pic of your hairy dad. You don't even have to show his face."
I know, I know. I've brought this quote out before.
"Do you wear coke-bottle-thick glasses like me? Hurray!"
"I'd like to design a development right next to the Village of Chapman Grove and call it 'The Goddamn Enchanted Flamingo Palace under the Merry, Merry Sparkling Lagoon of Forgotten Time.'"
"But I still feel important, in that toadie sort of way."
"I did try something new to get rid of my cold though. Rubbing alcohol kills germs on surfaces, so vodka must kill germs on the inside of my body. Bad idea. Vodka and sick bodies don't mix.
"Get back to being a good pseudo-jew."
" Yeah i like old movies. especially old movies with corey haim and corey feldman in them."
"Yo, yo, yo, L-Money-I still don't know how I feel about a real call from you. I might freak out and drop the phone."