my life would be infinitely better if— any of the following:
• I knew how to krump.
• I could quote movie lines, other than ones from Dirty Dancing which I only learned because my high school best friend constantly repeated them. (I didn't even like the movie.)
• I could fall asleep anywhere.
• Ice cream had zero calories.
• Cat hair dissolved in the air, once a cat shed it. Thus, it would not become embedded in anything in the house—upholstery, bedding, food, my eyes.
• Slipper socks were cool again. (If they were ever cool to begin with.)