20 April 2005

cheese and boobs

Not only do the names of Golden Girls desultorily issue forth from DCD's mouth, she offers other random, oft-unintentional bits of humor.

The other day, she announced in her usual rapid clip, "I think we have a hook up." For drugs, you wonder? No, sillies. She meant for Olivia mozzarella, which we can find only at Trader Joe's. "My co-worker can get us mozzarella; she makes regular runs to TJ's." Only if we can make the exchange at night in an alley, and, as good as the cheese is, I don't suck dick for mozzarella.

Other TJ's related humor: We stood in line checking out and she loudly divulged, "Oh, I accidentally grabbed your breast." She meant chicken breasts, of course.

Speaking of breasts, today I got into work and had two phone messages waiting. I always listen to them on speaker phone, but when DCD starts to talk, I immediately pick up the receiver. I've learned my lesson, as she is wont to leave 2 a.m. or 6 a.m. rambles that my co-workers are better off not hearing.

Today was a 6 a.m.-ish call in which she inquired, "Can I take a photo of you topless?" Usually I charge for that. "I figured you might because you were on the cover of Artemis where it looked like you were topless." That was for the sake of feminism. But apparently DCD has some story about this photo project being art. I remain suspicious.

No comments: